CaptainAwkward.com

Here is Letter #322. It and the other letter are below the jump because it’s fucking creepy in there.

Edited to Add: It’s frankly depressing that this post has struck a chord with so many people, but I’m grateful and honored to be able to help the letter writers and to have given voice to what so many people were feeling. Unfortunately the demands of moderating this discussion have become overwhelming this week, so as of Monday, August 13th comments are locked. We’ll pick up this discussion some other time. Thank you for all of your insightful contributions and for making this one of the best commentspaces on the Web.</EDIT>

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Mollena Williams ~ The Full Monty!

Mollena Williams’

KInk Biography.

I’ve taught classes on Leather Lifestyle issues on many subjects and the list is always evolving. Check out my  BDSM Class Listings page

I have conducted classes (by invitation) to BDSM and Leather Groups in Michigan, Oregon, Washington DC, Missouri, Illinois, New Jersey, Arizona, California, Wisconsin, and Florida.  On deck are New York, Canada and Ireland! Track where I’ve been and where I’m planning on being on the Twisted Teachings Page! Keep the eyes peeled for a dungeon near you! Contact me if you want to discuss the possibility of presenting for your group, organization or whomever.

I’ve over 12 years of experience in the BDSM and Alternative community. I’m blessed enough to occasionally travel nationally, teaching Leather Lifestyle Classes, and also have had my work published by the Society Of Janus Newsletter,  The Eulenspiegel Society’s magazine, Prometheus, as well as the online magazine at ALT.COM and Bondage.com. I was interviewed for The Bottoming Book, ColorLines Magazine, and the award winning documentary “Vice & Consent”. I also get all tied up in the instructional video, “Jay Wiseman Teaches Rope Bondage“

I’ve been interviewed by Sharon Glassman for The Huffington Post as well as by Angela Plaid for Racialicious. My blog, The Perverted Negress, has been a featured blog on Fleshbot (not Once but TWICE!) as well as the pick of the week for The Sugasm. And boy howdy, the venerated Jane’s Guide thinks The Perverted Negress’ Blog is pretty rad!

I am pleased that my essay entitled “BDSM and Race Play” will be appearing in the upcoming “Best Sex Writing 2010” so do check it out!

 I have appeared on or moderated panel discussions on various topics including “Issues of People of Color in the Leather Community”, “Negotiation”, and “Submissive Women’s Issues.”  I have worked with many acclaimed teachers and educators, including Celeste Devenaux, Teramis, Mistress Heart, Cleo Dubois, Fakir Musafar, Midori, Evil Mommy Tina, David El, Janet Hardy, Domina “The Frugal Domme“, Graydancer and Jay Wiseman.

I proudly bear the scars from being featured as “Stunt Sub” for countless BDSM workshops and demonstrations. I’ve studied the fields of interpersonal communications and conflict moderation extensively. I am currently working on several solo shows, a kinky advice blog / vlog, and actually picking up my damned room. Anyone have a spare service submissive?

BDSM Classes Offered by Mollena Williams

IN THE WORKS

• Flying Solo: Handling yourself whether alone for the day or on your own for a while.
• Negotiation for the Hopelessly Shy & the Terribly Awkward.
• Shy Freaks: Exploring BDSM for the Introvert.

NEW STUFF!

Playing with Strangers: How to get it on at a Con!

Whether it is your first of fiftieth time at a BDSM event, it can be intimidating to meet folks. People from Internationally known BDSM Educators to first-time neophytes can run into obstacles of self-esteem, fear of rejection, hell, fear of acceptance! How do you cope with your shyness or awkwardness or just figure out a positive approach to that tasty top of succulent submissive?

This fun and interactive workshop will offer some solutions, hints, tips and tricks for all of those who have ever seen that stranger across a crowded dungeon and longed to connect! We’ll have some exercises, some discussion, and the chance for you to explore what your strengths are, and where you could use a little help making your fantasies a reality!

Strong Slaves, Bodacious Bottoms & Ass-Kicking Submissives: Embracing Dichotomy

Self-identification is difficult for anyone in the alternative lifestyle. It can be even more challenging for people who see themselves as strong in their lives but desirous of submission.  There is a great deal of pressure in the BDSM community to “seem submissive,” so what do you do when you see yourself as strong and fierce and yet crave mastery and domination?

Believe me, you are not alone. There are many submissives and bottoms and slaves who are strong and independent and finding their way through the maze of the Kink Community! This class is an intense discussion of self-assessment personal identification, passion and power. From those who struggle with their desire to submit,  to those who strive for greater strength of purpose, this class will be a wonderful opportunity to bond with the likeminded and suss out your strength in an open setting. And for tops dominants and masters, this is an excellent opportunity to get into the mind of those who are strong and embrace the dichotomy of strength in submission and freedom in slavery!

 

Never a “Bad Scene” ~ Learning from Detours

If you’ve been in the BDSM community for any length of time, you will probably have a situation that takes an unexpected turn. It can be easy to feel “damaged” or even “broken” by difficult scenes. However, isn’t it also possible that even a difficult scene is a learning experience? If not for mistakes, for things going awry, how would we ever learn? Join me in the exploration of the topic of “Bad Scenes” and why I believe this to be an outmoded and ultimately limiting concept. Feel free to bring in your tales of things gone torqued, and let’s see if we can find the silver lining, the hard lesson, or the eventual epiphany that can come from the truly tough exploration of our Kinky Selves!

BOUNDARY SMACKDOWNS! Playing Past YOUR “Temperate Zone.”

Limits and comfort zones: we’ve all got ‘em. But sometimes you might long for an edgier play, something that genuinely provokes fear and yet evokes fascination. There are many reasons for this, and in this class we’ll discuss them. There are many approaches to this edge, and in this class we’ll find ways to “get over yourself” in order to go deeper within. Whether topping or bottoming in an edgy scene, how do you deal with leaving the known and sailing into the unknown?  How do you prepare yourself in the case that you lose your way? How do you recover once you are back from that strange and perilous journey? Take a trip within your own mind and see where you might have room in your play to take that leap into new and exhilarating territory!

ON THE CURRENT ROSTER

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PERVERT ARE YOU: Knowing yourself, knowing your kink.

So many of us exploring alternative sexuality do so with little introspection and rusty communication skills. Ask 100 kinksters why they do WIITWD (What It Is That We Do) and you’ll hear fewer coherent responses tan you think. Self-knowledge and the capacity to speak out your fantasies, desires, wants and needs is absolutely necessary. But if you were asked, right now, what your core kinks are…what motivates you…what scares you…what is it you expect to get out of the Scene and what the hell you bring to the table….do you have the language to address these issues?

This discussion will outline the many reasons that self knowledge will help you find a more fulfilling sense of yourself, and attract and maintain more suitable relationships.  This class if for everyone from first-time newbie to decades old players: we ALL can benefit from taking a moment to slow our roll and re-examine our role! Through sharing life-experience and helping to guide attendees through their own very personal process, this presentation strives to bring a renewed sense of enthusiasm, introspection, passion and heat to your BDSM by helping you know for yourself, what the hell you’re doing here in the first place!

 

FROM THE BOTTOM: A Sub’s Missives.

We’ve all been to a rope bondage class and wondered what the stunt bottom was thinking as they were encased in bondage. Perhaps you have scene a piercing demo and wanted to hear the thoughts of the one being pierced and their skin was rended by the cold steel. Or maybe you have witnessed a flogging demo and wanted to hear the inner dialogue of the top and bottom as they play?

So much of BDSM education focuses on technique and safety from the top or dominant perspective. What if you could literally have a “blow by blow” narrative of an experienced bottoming through a real-time scene?

Mollena presents a new and very exciting series of classes “From the Bottom: A Sub’s Missives”

This class will allow for a unique window into the heart and mind of a bottom and submissive as they process pain, submit, struggle and finally experience their own journey within a scene.

The class will include discussion about the who / what / where / when / why & how of play from a bottom’s perspective. Then the class will move to a demo, where the bottom is open to and channeling her own experience so that the class is privy to the inner thoughts and experiences. After the demo, there will be time for cool down, chat, and processing of the scene with class attendees.

Subjects offered include:

FROM THE BOTTOM: A Sub’s Missives: on Rope Play.

FROM THE BOTTOM: A Sub’s Missives: on Personal Service.

FROM THE BOTTOM: A Sub’s Missives: on Piercing.

FROM THE BOTTOM: A Sub’s Missives: on Flogging.

FROM THE BOTTOM: A Sub’s Missives: on Resistance Play

…with more to come!

PLEASE NOTE: if you are requesting any of these classes for your organization, consideration must be made as to an appropriate and approved play partner for the class. Please contact Mollena directly with any questions.

The Psychology of Psychological Play

Bottoms, don’t you just hate it when someone messes with your mind? Or … do you actually love it, just a little … ? Tops, do you get a thrill out of making your bottom squirm, or pulling off a good mindfuck? Come join us as we explore the convoluted paths of psychological play. Not for the faint of heart, our presentation will look at Fear & Terror Play; Rape and/or Abduction Simulation; Interrogation; Humiliation, Objectification, and Degradation; Mindfucks; Playing with Taboos; Fetishism, Roleplay and other delicious mind games.

 

 

Beautiful Intention, Gracious Focus: Bringing Service to Life.

Many people aspire to or consider themselves to be “Service Oriented.” But if you ask them what being “In Service” means, you may be in for a rather unfocused response. Ask them precisely what services they bring to the table and often the intention becomes even foggier and more diffuse. On the other side, it is a rare dominant or top who knows what it means to graciously accept service, and exactly what in their life requires the dedication and focus that a submissive or slave can bring to the equation. One of the most basic aspects of service, being reactive to the physical and emotional cues that are an integral part of dominant and submissive relationships, is something often overlooked.

This class will involve exploring exercises in service, attentiveness and non-verbal communication. How clear a communicator are you? How gracefully can you provide service? How artfully can you accept service? You may well be surprised, you definitely will step outside of your accustomed roles, and you most certainly will have an opportunity to reconsider exactly what active service means to you. We’ll look at the poise and beauty of the most simple d/s interaction, and see how even a glass of water can be an emotional journey.

RACE: The final Frontier.

Even the most hardcore Pervert will back away from the topic of Race Play. The idea of playing into stereotypes, slurs, scenes that recall grotesque horrors from some of the darkest moments of human history is, in many folk’s opinions, best left buried un-addressed.

But…

For those who are drawn to explore deeper and deeper crevasses of our psyche, the desire to explore even that taboo a play style can be compelling. From the man of Jewish descent who wishes to experience domination at the hands of a partner in SS Regalia, to the African American woman who secretly harbors a fantasy of being forced to submit to “the white man” to a Japanese-American who ponders a recreation scene of an WWII internment camp, these desires are not to be closeted in shame, but explored and discussed. Even if you are not desirous of acting, real time, on these fantasies, taking charge of them and letting go of the guilt can be n amazing release. And, if you DO decide to act on these fantasies, you’ll get some tips on how to approach this very edgy play, what to do if things do not fall out as planned, and the pros and cons of doing these scenes in public venues. Expect the unexpected, and prepare to surprise yourself.

PLEASE NOTE: if you are requesting a demo within these classes for your organization, consideration must be made as to an appropriate and approved play partner. Please contact Mollena directly with any questions.

The Siren Song of Oblivion: Why play on the Edge?

Edge Play is as individual as a fingerprint. A spanking can be a playful, lighthearted exchange or a deep trip that revisits and explores a past abuse. A temporary piercing can be highly erotic…or a close-to-the-bone exploration of a phobia. Even more fascinating, all of these may be true from the perspective of top or bottom. They might even be true for the same person. When kinky folks talk about “Edge Play,” it is about their OWN EDGE that they explore. Bottoms, subs and slaves may experience terror of, and yet feel a compulsion to, explore the aspects of their psyche that terrify and seduce. Tops, dominants and owners have edges too: paying with real rage, real fear, and real predatory behaviors.

But edge play is hot hot hot, and so many Kinksters long to teeter on that brink. Why? Why risk life, heart, soul and limb in the context of risk-aware consensual kink? There are many reasons and in this class, we will explore them. Using her own experiences as a jumping off point, and utilizing a high level of interactivity to glean from attendees what it is that arouses and terrifies, Mo helps you to turn over a few of the logs and rocks in your own head, see what crawls out…and then play with the creepiest of creepy crawlies. Delicious darkness and effulgent transcendence is what we seek when we slip on that Edge.

Taboo Play, and Working Through Extremes

If you have ever had a scene that lured you with the promise of edgy intensity, but wondered if you could handle the situation before, during or afterward, this discussion is for you! We will explore the reasons some people enjoy play that is VERY edgy psychologically, emotionally and physically, and how you can go about making that fantasy a reality. Inherent in this discussion is the level of responsibility of both / all partners, how to manage risk, and how you can support your partner in the aftermath. Edgy play can be hot, and we will look at ways to avoid some common pitfalls, as well as how to recover with grace and honor when things go off of the planned path.

*Please be advised: Some highly controversial scenes (i.e. racial or incest play, weaponry, etc.) will be discussed. Please do not attend if these are outside of your comfort zone. Thank you.

Diplomacy and Tact in Ds Relationships

The minutiae of Dominant Submissive relationships can be glorious, sublime and difficult. We all have issues to navigate, and these issues can color our power exchanges. Submission does not have to cripple your ability to have your needs met. Dominance does not have to transform you into an emotionless juggernaut. The ability to treat people with respect and empathy for their own communicative style is an invaluable asset. Within this seminar, we will discuss the many methods we use to communicate, exploring verbal and non-verbal cues. Learn how to identify your own personal interactive style, and explore the countless ways that power colors our _expression. Learn how to deal with situations where your own style might engender conflict between yourself and your partner. Add tools to your communicative arsenal, enabling you to diffuse tension, have your needs met, and be understood! If this loudmouth NYer can learn “In-Pocket” Formal service, you can be SURE she’s got something to share with you!

Role-Playing: Using your Head to get out of your Body

Although every child is an expert, as adults we frequently forget how to pretend, play” make-believe “and lose yourself in a story. Sure, you might have the hot fantasy of being an abducted princess or a captured spy, but how do you get past your day-to-day thought process and into to the spirit of this, one of the purest forms of play? How can you dissolve your ego into another character, and what do you do if you just wind up feeling pretty silly? In this class, we will discuss techniques for planning, negotiating and executing role-playing scenes, and how to boost your “other” energy. You’ll have a chance to play some games, to watch some play, and to let yourself go!

Minority within a Minority: Being a Person of Color in the BDSM Community

While some kinksters embrace their Leather lifestyle with ease and nary a look back, others of us face difficult paths towards the leather lifestyle that are fraught with many pitfalls. One’s religious, cultural and racial heritage can add myriad layers and nuances to the process. Though some may view the Lather Community as a Utopian, Egalitarian enclave, it actually is a microcosm, full of all of the twists, turns, fears and hopes that haunt and inspire the rest of the world.

In this class, we will discuss some of the issues facing minorities as their numbers grow within the public BDSM community. Stereotyping? Racism? Classism? “Not in our Community!“ you say? Think again. The instructor will share her own experiences in coming to terms with being a black female with submissive and slave tendencies, and still reconciling those feelings with feelings of isolation, guilt, desire, loss and an intense need to be true to her path. EVERYONE is encouraged to attend; share your experiences or learn about the experiences of others in an open, accepting environment.

Aftercare: Building Block or Icing on the Cake?

The intensity of SM play often results in emotional vulnerability for the top and the bottom. Often, the period of “Aftercare” post-scene is intended to provide closure for all parties involved. Though much discussion and lip service is often paid to the importance of aftercare, how many of us insure our emotional needs will be met after the toys are safely packed away? Who among us makes sure that we negotiate aftercare when planning that hot scene? Who among us has walked away with a “less that fulfilled feeling” after a scene, and later realized out aftercare needs weren’t met? How often is the top or dominant’s need for aftercare overlooked? And for goodness sake, what do you do when there is no chocolate to be found??

In this discussion, we will explore the reasons, physiological, psychological and spiritual, that people often need to have a “cooling down” period post-scene. We will explore suggestions for ways to include aftercare in your negotiations, and what to do if you aren’t getting your needs met. We will also investigate the ramifications of scenes that deliberately eliminate the aftercare aspect, and how you might approach processing the energies released within your play when you are left to your own devices. The physical and emotional facets of post scene processing will be discussed, and participant participation will be actively solicited. Please come share your experiences, and open yourself to learn from the practices of other Leatherfolk.

SCENE REPORTS: So, ya wanna be a writer?

We all have moments that resonate for us, that we recall with a gleam in our eye and a tingly feeling elsewhere. And a scene report is a magnificent way to share this wonder with your partner, your friends, in a Blog, or a kinky mailing list. But perhaps you do not consider yourself a writer, or you just don’t think you have anything interesting to share. In the course of this hands-on workshop, Mo will discuss some simple techniques for approaching writing, how you can get your ideas and emotional journeys on the page, and what you can do once you have them there. Using some guided imagery, discussion, and plain old story swapping, we can have fun and delve into the beauty of erotic and hot SM prose. Bring a pen, a pad, and your reminiscences.

 

 

Test!

Yadda!

 

Nothing to See Here. Bitches.

This is a placeholder so that no fucktardio steals my shit.

Or somethin.

Anyway, I have my kink blog on

 

The Perverted Negress.

 

GO read it!